'I Just Needed Someone To Listen To Me', Elderly Voice Loneliness When A Passenger Vacates Bus Seat For Him

When a passenger offered his bus seat to a weary elderly person, he did not know that the following few minutes would leave him speechless. In a Reddit post, a user (Moamen12323) shared the incident when he offered his seat to a frail elderly who boarded the bus, thinking that he (the elderly) needed it more than him. Soon he realised that it was not just the physical weariness, but also the mental and emotional emptiness the elderly individual was experiencing.

When the old man sat, he started the conversation. “I haven’t spoken to anyone for four days. I just needed someone to listen to me", he told the passenger.

This expression so prominently reflects loneliness and the need for social connection that even a small but kind gesture made him open up and start a conversation with the man (passenger).

Notably, loneliness is not unusual among the elderly. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), one in every four older people experiences social isolation. Moreover, this feeling can significantly impact mental and physical health and the overall quality of life.

Is Loneliness A Mental Illness?

It is not a mental illness, but it can lead to developing illnesses if one experiences isolation or loneliness for a long time. Researches show that it can increase stress and increase the risk of illnesses like anxiety, depression, etc.

How Loneliness Can Affect The Elderly?

Bhawna Chaddha, a Delhi-based psychologist with more than two decades of practice, says, “Loneliness brings in a lot of mental issues. Largely coming in from the feeling of worthlessness that becomes the root cause of loneliness, anxiety, and lack of validation. The feeling of worthlessness is when the entire problem starts”.

In old age, when a spouse dies and children get busy in their own life, feeling isolated is not unusual. So, in that case, if one is not busy with something or does not have anything to look for each day, mental and emotional health can take a toll.

Chaddha adds, “Primarily depression and anxiety are some of the important and major problems. When these kinds of problems go untapped and uncontrolled, they convert themselves into physical problems that start coming in with age”.

What Can One Do About It?

Probably, it is due to living with so many people and being busy all the time that living alone can make one feel lonely. However, one should also think about 'living alone' and prepare oneself to adjust to the changing situations and family dynamics.

Chadhha highlights one more point. She says, “We do not prepare ourselves to be alone and what do we do with ourselves? And that is why we become lonely”. She says that one never thinks about living alone during prime years, such as school, college, marriage, having children, and working. Due to their eternally busy life, they do not even get time to focus on themselves.

She explains, “The major problem is that the elderly are not able to design their 24 hours in a constructive way, and that is where loneliness seeps. So, by the time life starts settling in, you should have a plan ready for yourself”.

She also emphasises building an ecosystem to stay relevant and connected.

“The question is... why, after a particular age, we not able to design our ecosystem. Why do we want to bank on the same ecosystem that was a part of our life, say 20 or 30 years ago? Why do we want the same attention? As time changes, people change, thought processes change, so we also need to change the design of our ecosystem and design it more constructively”.

So, the solution to this problem can be close connections with family, friends, and others with whom one can talk freely, vent out, and share feelings.

Moreover, a sense of purpose also provides direction to life. It gives meaning to each new day. No matter how small it looks, having a purpose can help immensely to stay mentally and emotionally fit.  

In the digital world, it is easy for the elderly to stay connected with loved ones, including distant relatives and friends. However, it is also the responsibility of the younger generation to connect with older adults in the family and the community.

If you still think that social isolation is a trivial issue, you are mistaken. Its importance can be understood by the fact that WHO established the Commission on Social Connection (2024-26) to address and recognise it as a valid health issue so that it becomes a public health priority globally.