Women typically do not take part in financial discussions and leave it to the family. But that is wrong. It’s as much your right to discuss money whether you are working or a homemaker
My friend’s daughter will soon be completing her Class XII board exams. She has been exploring various avenues as to what she wants to pursue professionally. She finally decided on one and told her parents about it. It was a four-year course and the fee was Rs 6 lakh per annum. Her father instantly recoiled by pointing out how expensive it was.
The young girl retorted, “But you spent Rs 4 lakh per annum on bhaiya’s education. Is it because he is a boy and I am a girl? Or is Rs 4 lakh the upper limit for me too?”
Her father grudgingly admired her grit and took it in a very positive way. In fact, he was quite proud of her when he narrated the incident to me.
International Women’s Day is on March 8. The United Nations has set the theme for 2025 as “Rights. Equality. Empowerment.” Let’s apply this with regards to money and finances.
Here are three don’ts I suggest.
Start with conversations. What ties families together is the love, desires and ambitions that they have for each other, and the dreams they want to achieve together; and money is a great enabler. But that’s not to say that there are no challenges. When money comes up in a conversation, different emotions arise depending on who you are.
Money conversations are very difficult, because money is a complicated issue. When money issues are being decided, an entire gamut of emotions—not all good—come into play. It is the tool to fulfil your obligations, assuage your guilt, accomplish your dreams, prove your worth to the world, smoothen your fears, and compete with your peers.
So it is normal to expect conflict to be part of the journey. A lot of us think that the absence of conflict is what makes a conversation productive. But that is counterintuitive. Money conversations are needed to understand the other’s perspective and share yours, to be heard and to listen, to share your dreams, fears, and insecurities. It may be inconclusive or decisive. Either way, it is well worth it. Conflict leads to resolution and clarity, and even compromise.
But it is never a one-and-done conversation. People evolve; circumstances change; outlooks are modified, and lifestyles are upgraded and downgraded. All these need to be discussed.
Society is always feeding us a narrative, “You don’t have the mind for finances. You are too young. You are too old.” Who decides that for you? Who is putting up these mental roadblocks? Why is age a barrier? Why is gender a barrier?
Don’t assume that finances are only your husband’s problem. You both are in the marriage together. You both are parents. Even if you are not earning, you need to know where the money is being invested and why. The decisions your spouse makes will impact you, your children and parents who are dependents.
At any point in your life, you and your spouse are saving for retirement, child’s wedding or education or supporting parents. In extreme situations, there could be death or loss of employment. You owe it to yourself and your family to take a keen interest in managing money, whether you are a homemaker, a breadwinner, a part-time earner, or, however you choose to label yourself. Being clueless serves no one. It is in the family’s wellbeing and stability that you are aware of the finances and investments.
Take an interest. Question. Do your research. Start with the basics. Offer solutions. Discuss.
Money may be emotional, but it is also very empowering. Learn how to deploy it to get the best out of life
Nothing in life is set in stone. Situations change. Circumstances change. People change. Good times are not a given. Don’t take them for granted. Enjoy them, be grateful for them, but utilise them. Educate yourself when the going is good. If your husband is the sole breadwinner, ensure that he has a term insurance policy in his name. If you both are earning, ensure that you both have such policies.
Death, accidents, calamities or divorce are not just events that happen to “everyone else”. There are so many instances of widows being almost clueless about the money and investments their husbands left them. Then they are paralyzed into inaction. I remember a widow telling me that her husband had lent money to a relative. When the husband passed away, she approached the relative who very sweetly told her that he repaid it all. She knew he was lying, but could not counter.
I saw the movie The Colour Purple in 2022 and found it deeply disturbing. And while it tackles many issues, I was happy to see the protagonist Celie living free of abuse and humiliation after she managed to become financially independent. She did so by tailoring and eventually inheriting her biological father’s estate. She could walk away from abuse and not return simply because of the option that money gave her. She could walk away from the security of a man and a marriage, because of the provision that money offered her.
The movie was set in a time when women in the United States had few rights, and almost none, if they were poor African American. While times have changed, attitudes haven’t.
One of my favourite quotes in this respect is of Clare Booth Luce, an American politician, ambassador and writer: “A woman’s best protection is a little money of her own.”
You deserve the security that money brings. If you are not investing, start now. It could be a recurring deposit, or a small savings scheme, or a systematic investment plan (SIP) into a mutual fund. Do your research and start investing.
Take professional advice when needed. I remember a lunch where someone asked us what we would do if we suddenly got `10 crore. To this, one girl in her twenties, smartly answered: “I would get a financial advisor who is not my mom.” While everyone laughed, I found it incredibly wise. Parents will have your best intentions in mind, but may not the knowledge or expertise to guide you. So do not solely rely on your father for investment guidance if you are single. And if you are married, don’t blindly believe what your husband suggests. All investors have blind spots and biases.
A friend of mine only invested in insurance, fixed deposits and gold when she was single, as her father guided. When she got married, her husband handled the money because she never took an interest. When she got divorced, she was shattered. Healing oneself after a divorce is a time-consuming process, as one experiences extreme emotions. To add to it was the complete lack of financial awareness and fear of the unknown. She learnt the hard way.
Finally, don’t ignore my advice. Money may be emotional, but it is also empowering. Learn how to deploy it to get the best out of life.
By Larissa Fernand, Behavioural Finance Expert