Holding On While Letting Go: How To Cope With Seniors Having Dementia

Coping emotionally when a senior family member has dementia can be incredibly challenging for the family. The changes in their behaviour, memory, and personality can feel like a slow loss of the person itself. Even while the person is still physically present. Here are some ways to help manage the emotional weight of this journey:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's okay to feel a mix of emotions like sadness, frustration, guilt, grief, even anger. These feelings are natural. Ignoring or suppressing them often leads to burnout. Allow yourself to grieve the changes in your loved one. Even while you continue to care for them. It is important to let these feeling out through support group or maybe simply communicating with family.

2. Learn About Dementia

Understanding the condition helps you separate the person from the disease. Many behaviours like agitation, confusion, forgetfulness are symptoms of Dementia. They are not intentional acts and should not be taken personally by the family. This can help reduce frustration and make interactions more compassionate.

3. Focus on What They Can Still Do

Rather than dwelling on what's lost, it important for the family members to try to appreciate what is still there. Many patients remember fragments from their memory and might confuse the person in that memory. Communicate or spend time with them like you normally would and if they do not remember it don't take it personally. They may still enjoy music, respond to touch, or recognize a familiar face. These small moments of connection can be meaningful and grounding.

4. Maintain Realistic Expectations

Your loved one's abilities will change. Some days may be better than others. Accepting this fluidity can help you stay emotionally flexible. Avoid trying to "fix" their behaviour—your goal is comfort and connection, not correction.

5. Take Breaks and Accept Help

You can't pour from an empty cup. Whether it's a short walk, a weekend away, or a few hours with a friend, taking time to recharge is essential. Lean on family, friends, or professional respite care when needed—it's not weakness, it's wisdom.

6. Join a Support Group

Connecting with others going through the same thing can be incredibly comforting. You're not alone. Hearing others' experiences can provide insight, ideas, and reassurance that your feelings are valid.

7. Preserve Dignity and Respect

Speak to your loved one as an adult, even if their behaviour is childlike. Include them in decisions when possible. Small gestures of respect maintain their dignity and support your emotional bond.

8. Create New Ways to Connect

Even if verbal communication becomes hard, you can connect through touch, eye contact, music, photos, or shared routines. These non-verbal connections often become more meaningful as the disease progresses.

9. Let Go of Guilt

You're doing your best in an extremely hard situation. If you're struggling with guilt over past decisions or things you wish you'd done differently, try to be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend in your position.

10. Seek Professional Guidance

Therapists or counsellors who specialize in caregiving or geriatric issues can offer tools to process your emotions and build resilience. It's a healthy step, not a last resort.

Final Thought

Caring for someone with dementia is not just about memory—it's about heart. It's okay to mourn the changes, but also remember that your presence, your patience, and your love still matter more than anything. Even when they forget you, you remember them. And that's powerful.